Romeo & Antoinette Page 2

  “Ouch!”

  “What’s going on? You causing trouble again? Is he causing trouble again?”

  “Probably,” answered Officer Cole.

  “What did I tell you about causing trouble today?” demanded Cap.

  Cap was the owner of Cap’s cheesesteaks and Tyler’s father, though he only liked to acknowledge one of those two things. Then he slapped Tyler again, right upside the head. Which, no doubt hurt. Cap was a big guy. He worked twenty years in construction hauling bricks before he opened Cap’s, and if he smacked you, you definitely felt it.

  “Stop already,” pleaded Tyler.

  “Yeah. Stop that already,” said Officer Cole, not liking what he was seeing .

  “How many times have I…”

  BEEEEEEEP!…

  Again the Mayor beeped, the crowd parted and the Rascal rolled forward.

  Instantly Cap changed his tune. “Oh, Mr Mayor, I didn’t see you there. How are you? Umm… How’s the gout?”

  “Never mind that. Is your boy causing trouble again?”

  “No, no, of course not.” As Cap said this he slipped his arm around Tyler, who was still rubbing his head, and pulled him in close for a fatherly hug. “He wouldn’t do anything like that.”

  “No, of course not,” drawled the Mayor.

  “Hey, are you hungry?” asked Cap, changing the subject. He was no dummy.

  “Hungry?”

  “Yeah. How about a snack? Let’s go up there to my stand and let me give you a little pre-contest sampling of what we got.”

  There was no way the Mayor could possibly be hungry. If the shirt he had on was fresh this morning, and there was a fifty/fifty shot that it was, the sheer quantity of grease stains on the front showed that he’d already consumed every tasty treat within a ten mile radius. Any normal person would have been one wafer thin mint away from exploding.

  “Well, I suppose I do have room for a little nibble.”

  “Great, great, right this way.”

  Once the Mayor had rolled away, Officer Cole spoke up. “Now this is it. I’m tired of all this nonsense. Next time I’m hauling you all in.”

  “But they started it!” complained Tyler.

  “I don’t care who started it. One more time and it’s the lockup for the lot of you. Now,” he said turning to Marco, Romeo and Benny, “you three move along.”

  Romeo gathered up his buddies. “Sure thing officer. Sorry. It won’t happen again.”

  Of course, that Marco couldn’t just leave. Couldn’t just leave well enough alone. He turned back to taunt Tyler. “Hear that?” he said. “You’re going to jail.”

  “Shut up,” snarled Tyler.

  “Sure, okay,” Marco said, smiling. “By the way, you’ve still got something on your face.”

  “And you two,” Officer Cole said to Tyler and Gary Green Shirt. “You go on and get wherever you need to be.” He waited a moment to make sure his words sank in, then he disappeared back into the crowd.

  “Do I have something on my face?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” Tyler wiped his cheeks, one side to the other, back and forth, and then offered it to his friend for inspection. “Did I get it?”

  “Yeah.”

  Tyler clenched his fists and snorted. “I don’t like those guys,” he said.

  “Yeah.”

  3

  “Right this way,” said Cap as he ushered the Mayor and Patrick into his stand.

  Cap’s took up a double plot on the south side of the block with a basic street fair set-up. Serving tables in the front and a portable griddle, fryer and refrigerator running off a generator in the back, next to the sidewalk. The staff was already busy serving the dozen or so folks waiting in line.

  “Ant, Ant, come here.”

  Antoinette Capogiana, or Ant as most everyone called her, was Cap’s only daughter. She stepped away from the front of the line where she was taking orders and walked over to her father.

  “I want you to say hello to the Mayor. Mayor this is my daughter Ant.”

  “Hi,” she said.

  “Well, hi yourself little lady.” He offered her his hand. She could hardly get hers around his pudgy fingers and fat palm. “Ant? That’s your name?”

  “It’s a nickname.”

  “It’s because she can lift twice her weight and she eats like she’s got two stomachs - like an ant,” joked her father.

  “Never gets old Dad, does it?”

  “Ant is home from school for the first time in… I don’t even kn ow how long.”

  “I was home for Christmas.”

  “Yeah, but I mean home for more than just a couple of days.”

  “That’s fantastic. This is Patrick, my new Deputy Mayor. I just stole him away from our neighbors down south.”

  “Nice to meet you,” said Patrick as he reached out and shook Cap’s hand. “Hi,” he said, smiling at Ant.

  “Now, what was that about a taste?”

  “Right, right, of course. Nikki. Nikki come here.”

  Nikki was Ant’s cousin. She had been living with them for the last few years. She walked over. Never once taking her eyes off the new Deputy Mayor.

  “Nikki, bring the Mayor whatever he wants.”

  “Sure,” said Nikki as she simultaneously flipped her hair, stuck out her chest and smiled at Patrick. “What would you like?”

  “Oh, a cheesesteak, definitely.”

  “Anything on it?”

  “Of course! Let’s see…” Here the Mayor paused. He brought his fat hand to his chubby chin, furrowed his brow and appeared to really give it some deep thought. “Meat, a lot but not too much, and cheese…”

  “We only have Cheez Whiz.”

  “That’s fine. And onions. Make it “wit” onions, lots of onions.”

  “Is that it?”

  “Ketchup. I know! I know!” he said, waving his hand. “It’s not classic but I do love my ketchup.”

  “Sure. That it?”

  “Did I say extra cheese?”

  “No you didn’t.”

  “Well, extra cheese.”

  “No problem. Ok, so one cheesesteak, extra cheese, extra onions, just the right amount of meat and a squirt of ketchup. That it? ”

  “A diet coke.”

  “Really?”

  “Really,” said the Mayor patting his huge belly.

  “You got it.” Then she asked Patrick, “Anything for you?”

  “No thanks. I’m good.”

  “You sure?” She cocked her head suggestively. “We don’t have anything here you might be interested in?”

  “I’m okay for now.”

  “Okay, be right back.”

  “Dad! Dad! Can you come here a minute?” It was Tyler. Seemed he had a problem.

  Cap excused himself and left Ant with the Mayor and Patrick.

  “So, tell me about yourself,” said the Mayor, distractedly.

  “Not much to tell really. Like my dad said, I’m just home for what’s left of the summer.

  “Yes, yes… I see.” He licked his lips. “A little more…”

  “Well, I just finished my first year of law school.”

  “And how’s that going?”

  “Ok, I guess. I can’t say I love it.”

  “No. No. Don’t stop. A little more.”

  “Okay… Well… I might even say I hate it.” She turned around quickly to make sure her dad didn’t hear her.

  “And then what?” asked the Mayor.

  “Well, then I…?”

  “Ok, that’s good. Not too much.”

  “Huh?”

  “Yes. Yes. That’s it.”

  It took just a couple more seconds for Ant to figure out the Mayor wasn’t really paying any attention to her. All you had to do was follow his gaze. It led right to Nikki, or more specifically to the cheesesteak she was putting together.

  “Now, a little ketchup. Yes, yes, perfect. That’s perfect,” continued the Mayor, in a tran
ce-like mumble.

  “I think I’m going to go to astronaut training school,” mused Ant. “Check out Mars maybe.”

  “That’s fantastic. What a great idea. If you need a recommend…”

  “Here you go,” said Nikki.

  “Excellent! Thank you. That’s great.” The Mayor held up a thick finger. “Just one second please.” He unlocked the windscreen on his scooter, flipped it up and relocked it so that it made a tray.

  “Wow. That’s pretty cool.”

  “You like that? I designed it myself. Had it custom made.”

  Nikki handed the Mayor his snack, a full sized cheesesteak loaded with toppings. Then stepped aside and joined Ant and Patrick.

  The Mayor got the plate and drink situated on the makeshift scooter shelf, scooped up the sandwich, and treated himself to a big ol’ bite.

  “Mmmmm, mmmm… That’s good,” he said with his mouth full. “Oh man…” he continued, as bits of onion spewed from his lips and more grease dribbled down the front of his shirt.

  “Holy crap,” whispered Nikki.

  “I know, right? I almost lost a finger the other day,” said Patrick.

  “No wonder he’s like four hundred pounds.”

  “Not quite. Soon though.”

  “You guys are mean,” said Ant, going back to work.

  “How’s everything?” Cap asked.

  “Deeeeelicious…,” said the Mayor, licking his fingers.

  “That’s great. Glad you like it. Say, if you’ve got just one more minute I’d really like to talk to you about something.”

  “Sure. What’s on your mind?”

  Cap looked around, saw that Nikki was still hanging around and told her to get back to work. She giggled again at something Patrick said that wasn’t even remotely funny, touched his arm and made sure she gave him a good show as she walked away.

  “So, quite a day,” Cap began.

  “It certainly is,” said the Mayor.

  “I mean, really, the weather is perfect. Great day for a contest.”

  “What’s on your mind Cap?”

  “Well, to be honest, I was hoping you could put in a good word for me. Maybe make sure that Cap’s Cheesesteaks was the big winner today.

  “Oh, you know I can’t do that.”

  “Yeah, yeah, sure, I know it’s not entirely your decision but I was hoping you could put in a good word, maybe steer the judges a little.”

  “Come on. You got a good product. That was delicious.” He licked his fingers again for emphasis. Then he looked down and noticed all the stains on his shirt. He dabbed at them with a napkin but that only smeared the wet ones together. “Don’t worry so much.”

  “Yeah, I know, it’s just that we could really use that contract.”

  “I’m sure everything will work itself out. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I see a cannoli over there with my name on it.” Then he Beeeped and rode off. The scooter sagging under his ample girth.

  Cap watched the Mayor roll away and get swallowed up by the crowd. Then Patrick spoke up. “I think I might be able to help you out.”

  “Really?”

  “I think so. Tell me what you want.”

  “I want to win that cheesesteak contest today. I want that school contract.”

  “Don’t forget about the Mayor’s birthday party.”

  “Sure. That too. And I want bragging rights,” continued Cap, smiling and nodding at the same time. “I want everyone to know we’re the best.”

  “I can do that. ”

  “How?”

  “You let me worry about that.”

  “And what do you want?”

  Patrick leaned in a little closer and said, in a voice a little lower, “Tell me about your daughter.”

  Cap instinctively bristled. “What?”

  “Your daughter.”

  “What about my daughter?”

  “I’d like to meet her.”

  “You just did.”

  “I know but…”

  “But what?”

  “Okay, look, here’s the thing. I’m new here. I’ve only been at this job for a couple of months. Just moved to town and I don’t really know all that many people. Certainly none near my own age. Your daughter is smart and beautiful and I’d just like the opportunity to get to know her a little better. All on the up and up. With all due respect.”

  “So ask her out.”

  “Yes. Of course. I will. But, you could put in a good word for me couldn’t you?”

  Cap didn’t answer. He just stood there, slightly dumbfounded.

  Back at the register Ant caught a glimpse of the two men huddled together. Patrick was looking in her direction. He gave her a little nod.

  “Excuse me, can I get two cheesesteaks with fries and two cokes,” said a heavyset woman in a black Metallica t-shirt with cut off sleeves.

  The line was backing up and Ant wasn’t paying attention.

  Nikki nudged her. “You working or what?”

  “Uh, sure,” answered Ant, taking the woman’s order.

  Nikki followed Ant’s gaze back to Cap and Patrick. She tried to get Patrick’s attention with a wink and a smile, but quickly realized he was only looking at Ant.

  “They’re talking about you.”

  “I see that.”

  “Interested?”

  “No.”

  “Why not?” asked Nikki. “He’s cute.”

  “Not my type,” said Ant.

  “Seriously?”

  “Seriously.”

  Patrick stopped on his way out. “Bye. Really nice to meet you.” He said it to both of them, but it was pretty obvious it was meant for Ant.

  She forced a weak smile.

  “Bye,” said Nikki. “Come back anytime.”

  After Patrick was gone Nicki pressed Ant.

  “What is your problem?”

  “What?”

  “He’s totally into you.” Then she paused and mused, “I wonder if he’s rich…”

  “I’ve got enough to worry about right now.”

  “Like what?”

  “I’ve got to tell my dad something and he’s really not going to like it.”

  “You’re pregnant.”

  “What?! No. Are you crazy? I can’t even remember the last time I had a date.”

  “I’m not surprised.”

  Ant shot her a look. “Nice…” Then she handed a grizzled, ZZ Top lookin’ dude his change and said, “I’ll be right back.”

  “Hey. Wait. There’s a big line.”

  Ant wasn’t listening anymore. She approached her father. He was crouched in front of the fryer jiggling the gas line, full plumber’s butt on display.

  “Dad.”

  “Yes, sweetie,” he said, without turning around.

  “I need to talk to you. ”

  Cap strained to reach a clamp that held on a hot hose. “Ouch.” He jerked his hand away.

  “Dad, I need to talk to you.”

  “What is it?”

  “Can you stop what you’re doing?”

  “I can’t sweetie. What is it?”

  “Well, here’s the thing. This whole law school thing is…”

  “Try it now.”

  “Nope. No good,” said Tyler.

  “Damn!”

  “Daddy.”

  “What?”

  “Can you stop?”

  “No. I can’t. Not now… If I can’t fix this we can’t win. Talk to me later.”

  Disappointed, Ant shrugged and went back to work.

  4

  “What about that one?”

  “Not this again” said Romeo.

  “What? She’s cute.”

  “Ma…”

  “And look at those boobs.”

  “Ma!!”

  “Oh, hush,” said his mom, waving him off. “Yoo hoo, excuse me, miss?”

  She called to the cute girl with the nice boobs to get her attention. Mrs Monty was always doing stuff like that to him. Her and her traffic cone colored or
ange hair. Why she dyed her hair that color Romeo could never figure out.

  “Will you stop?”

  “What?”

  “Don’t mind her. She’s crazy.” He twirled his index finger around his temple, illustrating just how crazy his mother was.

  “Fine, fine, I’ll stop. But you’re never going to find a girl. Not here in this town. Not with that attitude.”

  “I do okay.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “It means I do okay.”

  “You should get out of here. Move to the city and paint.”

  “I can’t make money from painting. ”

  “You could paint houses,” said Monty, chiming in.

  “Funny dad.”

  He was funny. Which was a great quality for a twice decorated, ex-marine.

  And that was basically Romeo Montefalco’s entire family. It was just the three of them, small and tight. They walked together with his mom woohooing girls and his father cracking jokes, as the sun hung a little bit lower in the late summer sky, and the street fair drew to a close.

  All along the route people were breaking down and cleaning up. Packing away their tube socks and t-shirts, folding up their french fries and funnel cakes. Rolling up their tents and sweeping up their spots.

  “Do you even know what you want?” asked Mrs Monty, returning to her favorite topic.

  “I got some idea,” said Romeo.

  “What does that mean?”

  “It means I think I’ll know it when I see it.”

  “It?”

  “Her. I think I’ll know her when I see her.”

  “Aaaaahhhh…” sighed his mother, dismissively waving off her only son like she’d done a thousand times before.

  “Aaaaahhhh… yourself,” said Romeo, smiling and waving her off in return.

  “Aaaaahhhh…,” said Monty, playfully, waving them both off. Just because it’s what they did. It was one of their things. Then he added “Come on, we don’t want to be late.”

  Soon they were thick in the middle of a large crowd, all standing in front of a stage at the center of the fair.

  Several stellar events had happened up on the stage that day. Earlier there was a pie eating contest. A skinny cashier from the local Grab ’n Go took the title by eating nine blueberry pies in nine minutes. He then refunded at least eight of those pies in three minutes. The mess was epic.

  After that, some of the kids from the summer rec drama group did a few select scenes from Suessical the Musical. Which was fine till the Cat in the Hat took a tumble off stage left and broke his ankle. Then a local tribute band made up of two pastry chefs and a trio of bakers called Macaroon Five rocked the house with their spot on rendition of “Sugar”. Now it was time to announce the winner of the cheesesteak competition.